Sunday, March 12, 2017

Coffee By Non-Standard Application

Scott groggily dragged himself from the comfort of the bottom bunk of the bunk bed he shared with his younger brother and looked towards the window. He sighed as the darkness outside confirmed what he already knew to be true. It was way too early for him to want to be out of bed. He grudgingly pulled on his uniform pants and felt his way around his waist as he threaded his leather belt through the belt loops. He pulled a t-shirt over his head and tossed a uniform shirt across his shoulders without bothering with the buttons. It seemed that one button was all he could handle at the moment. He stumbled down the stairs, allowing his right shoulder to rub the wall of the stairwell until he got closer to the bottom where the horse hair plaster had fallen away, leaving slatted voids in the old papered walls.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he felt around until he found the doorknob. He pressed a little lever on the side of the knob stem, disengaging the latch before pushing the door open against a spring at the top of the door. (The doorknobs in the farmhouse did not turn. Instead they had small levers that worked the latching mechanism. The stairway door sometimes had a spring at the top of the door. Depending on the season, Dale preferred that the door to the upstairs be closed at all times because the house was drafty and it was hard to keep the first level of the home warm when all the heat rose to the second level by way of the stairwell.)

Scott trudged past his father and siblings, who had all managed to get up and get their coffee with considerably less difficulty, and made a beeline for the twenty cup percolator coffee pot. He reached into the cupboard and grasped the first porcelain handle he could find. He turned the coffee mug right side up (because the mugs were all stored in the cupboard upside down and it was imperative that the mug be turned right side up before any attempt to fill it was made) and held it under the spout of the coffee pot. Once it was filled, he added a little cream from the top of a gallon of farm-fresh unpasteurized unfiltered whole milk bringing the level of medium brown liquid just a little too close to the brim of the mug. Leaving the mug on the counter, the fourteen-year-old leaned forward and noisily slurped enough of the hot liquid to allow for safe transportation of the beverage to the parlor.

Scott made his way through the darkness to a large overstuffed easy chair with a matching ottoman. He backed into the cushions, being careful to keep his mug level as he sat down. He rested the mug of coffee on the right arm of the chair, all the while maintaining his grip on the handle. He glanced at the inside of his left wrist where the face of his watch rested and concluded that he had just over thirty minutes before he would be required to move again. Against his better judgment, (if that is a thing that a fourteen-year-old might possess) he closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift away from the morning once again.

Scott made his way up to the Yankee barn and pulled one of the push mowers from the building. He bent down to check the gas and stood up to find himself at the lube shack without any recollection of how he had arrived at that location. He looked into the small building and, though he did not recognized the interior, was able to find what he sought with considerable ease. He reached into the small building where the family stored all of their gas cans, funnels, and oil receptacles and pulled an orange three gallon gas can from it's spot on the elevated floor of the shack. He filled up the tank of the lawn mower and returned the can to the shed. He turned back to the lawn mower and realized that he was standing between the summer house and the farmhouse. He had no idea how he had arrived at that location from his last, but thought nothing of it. He bent down and pushed the red bubble button that primed the engine of the mower, taking special pleasure in the faint sound of the fuel rushing into the carburetor. He stood up and reached out in front of him where the push bar of the machine materialized within the palms of his hands. He reached for the pull starter rope of the mower and gave it an energetic tug...

Scott bolted upright in the easy chair as a shower of hot coffee rained down upon his head and splashed violently across his torso. His eyes were wide with surprise and embarrassment. He brought the mostly empty mug to his lips and quickly swallowed the remaining liquid before pushing himself to his feet. He walked into the living room and made an immediate left turn to the stairway door. His father watched his second son reach for the door knob.

“What happened to you?” he asked with his tired voice thick with confusion. “Why are you wearing your coffee?”

“I was trying to start the lawn mower,” Scott replied with equal confusion. “And I forgot to set my coffee down?”

Dale chuckled as his sodden teenager continued up the stairs without elaborating. Scott returned a few minutes later with a fresh shirt. He poured himself another cup of coffee which he consumed with considerably more success at the kitchen table. The rest of the morning went by without incident. However, when the young man told the story of the morning's unfortunate events to his cousin's boyfriend, Joe only had one question.

“So,” he began with a mischievous smile on his face. “Did the mower start on the first try?”

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